Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
