I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am one with the molecules
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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