maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
