my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
