Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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