How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
