Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
operation have a gay friend backfired
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
