It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he puts the penis in happiness.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
