Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
