the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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