Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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