I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
