so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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