I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
