We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
