therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
