We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
soo... how was my night?
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