wrigley field is MILF paradise
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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