woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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