And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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