im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's how pantless uber rides happen
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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