I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
