Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
