I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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