you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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