woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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