sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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