So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
