Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
