If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
