I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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