We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
