I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
