Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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