We won't sleep together?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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