I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
