hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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