Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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