I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
