I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
