I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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