the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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