It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
