just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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