Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
