Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
