i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
