Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
