Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
