I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
