your room smells of hookers.
And success
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
